OK... So the Background!

Hi. My name is María Norlov and I am confessing to be a secret mathematician.

You might be a little confused about what this is; but I promise you, all will soon become clear. I am a first year student at the University of Cambridge, Enlgand. My Mother is Spanish and my Father is Danish (although that's more an insight into where my name comes from than anything else), but we have lived here in the UK for about 7 years now! My confession is that I love maths - like genuinely, actually adore it. >ooops; anyone who thought I was cool before, now really doesn't!!! {Oh, and before I get going; I apologise but this is probably going to be a REALLY long post - hopefully once all the background is covered they will be more concise and fun!}

Anyway, the reason I have to be a secret mathematician is because it is safe to say that I am definitely not studying maths.

I only realised this passion for numbers and mathematics that I have in my final year of A-levels. I went to a state school (not many of those here in Cambridge no matter what they say about diversity) - and to add to that; a Northern state school (even less of those here) - and up until A-level I had pretty much just breezed through everything with barely any real effort or work. I mean, I enjoyed my school work - I always finished the work in class and asked for the extension, I always did my homework, I always revised before tests; but it never really needed a noticeable amount of my time or effort. I was lucky.

When I got to A-levels, I suddenly realised that I could direct my work where I wanted; although less so in year 12 than in year 13. In year 12, not wanting to close any doors, I did eight AS' (the usual is 4 or 5), which I admit didn't leave me with much time to spare. Again, I enjoyed my studies but it was all still very much just learning to the exam - which I kind of always saw as pointless. But, by the end of year 12 I had certainly discovered a love of learning. I wanted knowledge, understanding, skills, etc. I loved to learn.

It was at this point which I had to choose what subject I wanted to apply for at university. I looked at what A-levels I really enjoyed and wanted to know more about and I chose one which I was particularly interested in to pursue further. Eventually deciding on this as my degree choice when applying. By the October (1 month into being in year 13), the deed had been sealed; I had chosen the all-important path for my life to follow from that point on.

Or at least that's how it's made to feel. All this pressure - you suddenly have to make a decision which you not only can't possibly know how you will feel about when you actually get to it, but also one that will apparently retain so much importance for the next 3 years at least; and quite probably beyond.

As for mathematics at this point, even throughout year 12 - although a change was beginning to arise - maths had always just been something I was good at. Something I did. And quite frankly, I was more interested in what I knew and wanted to know than what I could merely do.

There are two main problems in how mathematics is taught throughout school as far as I can see:

1. It is the thing that no one wants to love; and
2. The only way teachers try and make students love it is through showing them what it's practically good for

Now, on this second point; it is not that the practical application of mathematics isn't important. And indeed, it is this application which will enable the huge numbers of Nat-Sci's to continue to fill this university and others like it [Nat-Sci's are Natural Sciences students and there are SOOO many here right now!]. But my problem with it is that this shouldn't be the ONLY way that people are shown to love it.

In year 13, I was suddenly working with a much more beautiful and knowledge based form of maths. I was no longer just learning rules and putting them into practice - which although I have always loved for it's therapeutic nature, it never quite spurred a passion within that this was something amazing! Now, I had to bring all the rules I had learnt before and actually make new things happen with it. I had to know, I had to understand and I had to create. These three things brought something more to maths than just simply doing. It was this "more" which I needed and strived for.

Having not studied the correct formal qualifications to get into the top universities to do maths, even with my 3 A*'s at A-Level, nowhere would accept me. So I resigned to the idea of, having already made my bed, simply lying in it.

Though I must point out; it's not as if I do not enjoy my subject. I thought when I got into university, I would soon fall head-over-heels in love with learning all this new knowledge, that it wouldn't even matter to me what the subject was. But so far, it's killing me not being able to tell anyone how much I love maths - hence this blog. My daily dose of Further Mathematics A-level gets me through the day at the moment - with my own subject not holding that same need for proof in understanding nor that ability to create for which maths became my passion.

I don't know where I will end up in the future; or where I even want to! But right now, that doesn't matter - what matters is that I've got someone to share my mathematical insights, confusions, joys and amazements with: you!